How has dating in Bellingham changed recently? From online dating to the push against it

As a college town and a hot spot for in-person outdoor activities, is Bellingham immune to the trend of dating apps? Or have apps created a generational divide in the Bellingham dating scene?

According to a Pew Research Center study, 30% of U.S. adults have used a dating app. That includes 53% of people between the ages of 18 and 29, and 37% of those ages 30 to 49.

The Herald reached out to Tinder, Hinge and Bumble to see if there have been any shifts in their Bellingham user numbers over the past few years. The only one to respond was Tinder, which could only provide nationwide numbers.

So we decided to speak with some local experts. Jenn Mason, a sex educator who owns downtown Bellingham’s “not creepy” sex shop WinkWink, says she thinks that online dating is prevalent in Bellingham across all generations.

“I would just say the thing that I hear all the time from basically everyone is that app dating is the way you date, and everyone hates it,” Mason told the Bellingham Herald in a phone call.

The push toward online dating

It’s not just people in their 20s and 30s. Mason said that single seniors are turning towards online dating as well.

“I feel like, generationally, everyone is moving towards the apps,” Mason said. “I mean, people over 60 are moving towards the app. Young people are on the apps. So I think we’re seeing everybody migrate in that direction.”

Mason said that seniors’ interest in dating apps is significant enough that she’s taught an online dating class at the Bellingham Senior Center.

“It basically was full. We had probably 30 people who showed up, some who had done a little bit of app dating before, some who were just brand new to it,” Mason said.

Are people returning to in-person dating?

However, that doesn’t mean everyone likes online dating.

“I think it’s a love-hate relationship with the apps, because it’s by far the most accessible way to meet other single people, but it’s just rife with challenges that I think can end up making people feel really bad,” Mason said.

According to Jenna Bean Veatch, who founded a dating event in Bellingham over a decade ago called The Not-Creepy Gathering For People Who Want to Fall in Love, part of the reason people are unsatisfied with dating apps is that they feel like a game more than a genuine attempt at connection.

“They’re set up like a game, right? And, the way they’re set up encourages people to forget that there’s an actual human on the other end of the game they’re playing, with their own longings and like tenderness and their own hearts,” Veatch said.

Veatch didn’t start The Not-Creepy Gathering as a reaction to dating apps, the idea was just to facilitate meaningful connection.

“I was in grad school, getting my MFA in interdisciplinary arts, and I was in the process of making a dance theater show about the desire for human connection that was going to include some audience participation to facilitate connection in the moment,” Veatch told the Bellingham Herald in a phone call. “And then one day, I was walking around a lake, and I went, ‘Oh my God, I think I have an idea.’”

Veatch was surprised at how enthusiastically people responded to the idea.

“At the time, I was friends with the person who booked Honey Moon, and so I called her and booked it, and 70 people showed up to the first event, which was way beyond the capacity,” Veatch said.

The program has since expanded to other cities. Most of its events are in the Seattle area, although its held events in other west coast cities and Zoom events for singles in other regions as well.

The Not-Creepy Gathering isn’t the only Mason said she’s noticed a push for more in-person ways to meet people.

WinkWink has begun a pair of PowerPoint dating nights, where singles are presented to the crowd by a friend via PowerPoint presentation.

“We had a request from community members to start hosting events like that one, and we’ve had a lot of people who have expressed interest in us hosting dating events. And so we have been working on putting together more interesting dating events to get people off the apps and into the real world,” Mason said.

Community events for people to meet

PowerPoint dating nights is not the only in-person dating event the store has hosted. WinkWink now hosts The Not-Creepy Gathering’s Bellingham events, after it bounced around a few different venues (the next event is Feb. 22). It has also hosted a queer speed-dating event.

“We get a lot of people in their 20s and 30s who are coming out to those events. I think part of the reason is because that’s a lot of people who are single,” Mason said. “But we, you know, have a lot of interest expressed in events for people who are in their 40s and beyond.”

Veatch said that she’s surprised at how popular The Not-Creepy Gathering’s events have continued to be after all these years.

“I think the thing that is consistently kind of astounding to me, is in Seattle, where I do most of my events, I am still selling them out after ten years and still getting new people. People are always looking for connections,” Veatch said.

Veatch wouldn’t ascribe the event’s success to just the pushback against dating apps, though. Instead, she said it’s the result of a general desire for human connection, something she thinks people struggle to find on dating apps.

“Because it’s set up like a game, people behave badly,” Veatch said. “Things like ghosting are becoming so prevalent because we’re not treating each other as full humans. We’re treating each other as a picture to swipe left or right on.”