Parenting: Learning is easier when you’re open to coaching

My grandpa taught me to bowl. He had dozens of trophies and going to Thursday night league with him during our family visits was always a treat.

One afternoon at the bowling alley Grandpa gave me a lesson. I was eager to learn and after each one of my turns I hurried back to him for his instructions. The lesson was the same each time. He looked me in the eyes, smiled and repeated the correct arm motion for me to model. As long as I was trying, he was a patient coach.

What does it mean to be coachable? Youthletic.com says that the coachable young athlete is willing to be corrected without pushback and then give everything they can to improve. I was coachable at the bowling alley that afternoon and while I did not become a better bowler, I created a fond memory and gained a useful lesson.

Being coachable is a skill that benefits parents as well as kids and is useful in everyday life activities. Today’s complex and challenging world demands equally complex and adaptable parenting skills and these skills are more easily learned when the parent is coachable.

How coachable are you? Coachable parents look for and are grateful for coaching from professionals, peers, loved ones and even their children. They see everyday activities and interactions as opportunities to be coached.

For instance, my son was my diapering coach. His first lesson was to pee all over both of us when I changed him. I was of course eager to improve my technique and was grateful for the additional coaching I received from friends and family members on how to change a diaper and not get wet.

For both adults and kids, being coachable can increase the likelihood of enjoyment and success throughout their life. This is true as long as the coaching environment is a safe one.

While most coaching environments are safe, they are also vulnerable to those who want to cause harm. These individuals use their position as a parent, coach, team captain, supervisor, scout leader, teacher, preacher, friend or family member to justify or hide their harmful actions. Most parents have witnessed troubling displays of this kind in sports, playgrounds, classrooms, churches and homes and have seen its long-term negative impact on children and families.

The problem may be more prevalent than you think. For instance, according to PsychCentral.com, it is estimated that nearly half of the coaches in youth sports use varying degrees of harmful tactics while coaching.

In unsafe coaching environments kids can experience coercion, intimidation, rejection, humiliation, sexual intimidation, prejudice and other power and control abuses. Kids can also commit these kinds of abuses against each other. When these behaviors are present, the coaching environment should not be considered safe.

Fortunately, there are at least a few laws and policies that encourage the creation and monitoring of safe coaching environments where the child is motivated by the respect that they have for their coach and by their personal passion to succeed.

Policies regarding mandatory reporting of suspected child abuse and sexual harassment in the workplace are policies that you will see in most youth coaching environments. Polices on bullying and drugs are standard as well.

Many Whatcom organizations serving youth are also developing child sexual abuse and domestic violence prevention policies. Be sure and know the safety standards of each of the coaching environments that your child is in and follow them.

In safe environments, children experience predictably positive instruction, acknowledgment, correction, appreciation, challenge and competition. As a result, they can safely focus their attention on receiving instruction and improving their skills.

Some coaching professionals suggest that humility is essential to being highly coachable and thus learning the things that are ultimately the most important in our life. Being a highly coachable parent can help you understand when and where your child feels healthy, happy and safe and when they do not. As the saying goes, it is not whether you win or lose but it is how you play the game that matters the most.

This story was originally published December 2, 2015 at 4:01 PM with the headline "Parenting: Learning is easier when you’re open to coaching."