Feeling stressed? Time to find the right strategy to manage it

Stress is a word we have all used at one time or another to describe our feelings, our workday, or our most recent trip to the grocery store. Stress is a reason we use to avoid certain activities, crowds and, to be honest, certain people.

In the name of relieving it, we spend money, acquire pets, exercise, eat less, eat more, start healthy habits and quit healthy habits. As parents and caregivers, we worry about the impact of stress on our children.

It is impossible to always prevent stress from taking over. Stressful events happen outside of our control. There are challenging family or friend relationships to navigate, health problems to manage, or older family members to care for.

Happy events such as a new baby, a wedding, or a new milestone for our child such as starting kindergarten also bring stress. That is why coping with stress is frequently called “stress management.” The goal is not to eliminate stress, rather to cultivate a healthy response to stress.

Stress management starts with defining stress as both friend and enemy.

Stress is the mind and body response to a perceived threat. A threat can be any number of incidents, such as the first day at a new job, your car breaking down or your 5 year old refusing to brush his teeth for the 100th time.

A certain amount of stress provides needed motivation and focus. Think of the times you have done well under a little pressure – maybe it was on a test, or in sports or speaking in front of an audience.

Stress (in the right amount) can actually bring out the best in you. However, continue to add stress or increase the intensity, and performance spirals rapidly downward.

Stress is like a stringed instrument. If the sting is loose, it will not play. If the string is pulled too tight, it breaks. Too much time on the far end of the stress continuum seriously impacts long term health, and children in these situations suffer negative developmental impacts.

One stress management principle involves knowing yourself. Learn the signs that you and your family need a break. Learn to say no. Take all of your vacation time. If your work is too demanding for time off, it may be time to re-evaluate. Plan ahead when you know you are heading into a stressful time and prioritize accordingly.

Another principle is to try a strategy.

Many effective stress management strategies that work for parents and kids alike are found in abundance online and in books. Proven examples include breathing exercises, regular physical activity, challenging unhelpful thoughts and keeping a healthy sleep schedule.

Practicing deep breaths is one simple technique. Breathing becomes relaxing when we breathe from the stomach instead of the chest, slow the rate of breath and pay attention to each inhalation and exhalation.

The key when practicing these and other relaxation methods is to practice during calm times. Have you ever tried to learn something new when you are upset? It does not work.

Cultivating gratitude has also been found to be incredibly useful in combating stress. Recent research reveals that gratitude is a critical component of positive outlook and mood.

One easy activity is to record daily, perhaps in a journal, one to three things you are grateful for. Daily gratitude sharing at the dinner table is one fun variation involving the whole family.

If the thought of committing to stress management seems overwhelmingly time intensive, then consider the discovery that brief and frequent self-care activities are at least as effective in improving mood and other positive outcomes. In micro acts of self-care, people commit to one or two minutes of activities at predictable times every day. Using a cell phone alarm works well as a reminder until the new habits become – well – habitual.

As a final piece of advice, draw near to others. Community and relationships should be considered the front line stress response.

Healthy relationships are reciprocal; with give and take, meaning not only do we get support, but we feel good about the support we offer in return. We laugh and have fun with our friends and family. Laughter releases endorphins, making us feel better. Finally, good friends and close family keep us accountable to taking care of ourselves.

Stress does not have to get the better of you. With an understanding of stress, willingness to listen to yourself, openness to trying new strategies and the help of others, you can improve your response to stress and encourage healthy stress management habits for your family.

This story was originally published March 12, 2017 at 7:06 AM with the headline "Feeling stressed? Time to find the right strategy to manage it."