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closeGetting married … again? Make sure to educate yourself on modern encore bride etiquette.
Rule No. 1: There are no rules.
So don’t be afraid to don that bright-white beauty of a gown that hugs you in all the right places. Create the registry of your dreams, whether it includes matching mountain bikes or a trip to Tahiti for two. And go ahead and have a lavish sit-down dinner reception with steak and lobster on the menu (you’re probably paying for it anyway).
BETTER THE SECOND TIME
Tshombe Brown, owner of Your Signature Coaching and Consulting in Bellingham, has assisted in planning many second weddings, which are now a common occurrence nationwide.
“Estimates put the national average at about 46 percent where one or both partners have been married previously, and I’ve even seen estimates as high as 50 percent,” says Brown.
Elements that were previously considered in bad taste — the bride wearing white, planning a large affair or registering for gifts — are no longer stigmatized in today’s society.
When Whitney Dickinson, 41, married Jim Anderson, 39, at their home in Lynden in June 2005, it was a second wedding for both.
“I spent a lot of time really thinking about the elements that were critical to me,” recalls Dickinson, whose first wedding included only 20 guests. “I always regretted not having a big celebration.”
OLDER AND WISER
Couples taking their second trip down the aisle are often more mature and sophisticated than first-timers. Their style is simple and elegant but with a distinct personal stamp. Because they often foot the bill themselves, they feel free to bring in creative or even quirky personal elements.
“Kids and dogs were not just welcome (at our wedding), they were encouraged,” says Dickinson. “The dogs had special wedding collars.”
Second weddings are usually more intimate by choice, in part due to the absence of outside pressure to invite every last relative and family friend. But that doesn’t necessarily mean these affairs are less expensive.
“Second-time couples realize right off the bat that, with the same budget, they can treat themselves and their guests to a more meaningful and memorable event by keeping their guest list smaller,” Brown explains.
Thinking strategically, Dickinson and Anderson splurged on a house remodel (something they could also enjoy post-wedding), then had a “Gatsby-esque garden party” wedding in their own backyard. They also arranged special wedding party get-togethers that combined quality time with productive tasks.
“I hired a local florist to come the day before the wedding to help us make our own flowers,” says Dickinson. “It was so much fun.”
MAKE ROOM FOR THE GROOM
This just in: Grooms do know a rose from an orchid, and they’re ready to help choose bouquet mixes.
“The trend, particularly for second-time weddings, oftentimes opposed to what has traditionally been the case, is for the groom to have very specific opinions on the style, comfort and design of wedding elements,” Brown says. And count them in on a little spa-style pampering, too. “Men of all backgrounds are comfortable with manicures, pedicures, even facials in preparation for the big day.”
GIVING IS ITS OWN REWARD
Second-time couples don’t always feel comfortable registering, but it’s no longer frowned upon. Plus, it provides suggestions beyond the standard linens and cutlery, which most mature duos already have (possibly in sets of two).
Today’s wedding registries are individual, creative and even philanthropic. They are available at almost any retailer and can be designed specifically for personal interests. For example, outdoor buffs can opt for sports season tickets, ski passes or even an adventure honeymoon white-water rafting.
“Financial institutions provide accounts specifically designated for a house down payment,” Brown says. “For the socially conscious, a gift registry can be set up for money to be donated to a food bank or charity.”
In lieu of conventional items, friends often help with invitations, catering, live music, photography, décor or flowers. Dickinson and Anderson chose not to register for their wedding, with no regrets.
“Folks who wanted to gift us did, and those who didn’t, didn’t feel obligated. We ended up with some fantastically creative and thoughtful expressions of love,” Dickinson says.
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