In recent weeks our great nation has been rocked almost daily by tragedies involving guns.
If one examines these events logically and rationally a common thread emerges: We simply do not have enough guns and heavily-armed citizens! (Even though we have more guns than citizens, and more per capita than any other nation, we are simply not using guns enough.)
Consider the tragic school shooting in Oregon - the 75th such school event since Sandy Hook: If everyone on campus had multiple guns (as proposed by the NRA) they could have stopped the bad shooter before he even got off a single round! The same for SPU!
And who do I blame? The supposedly unbiased media that wastes too much time covering trivial non-issues like climate change, healthcare, education, and the economy - instead of focusing more on gun owners' rights and the need for every citizen to be heavily armed at all times.
The only solution is to radically change the U.S. constitution. I propose we delete all amendments other than the Second, so as to provide greater emphasis on guns and the unquestionable rights of gun owners. (We could also expand this amendment, adding that guns are free speech, and granting lady gun owners the right to vote.)
Remember: Guns don't kill people. People without guns kill people letting bad guys shoot first.