A 21st century Christmas from St. Jeff and his drones

The News TribuneDecember 9, 2013 

’Twas the night before Christmas, and atop the North Pole,

Jeff Bezos was pacing; he was ready to roll.

Amazon orders were all packaged with care,

Waiting for drones to arrive through the air.

Santa was washed up, his career in a wreck,

Yet doing quite well on his sweet pension check.

Down in Tahiti, where chill gusts never reach,

Perfecting his tan, taking naps on the beach.

His reindeer in ruminant refuges roam,

In captive-breeding to preserve their genome.

Rudolf’s glowing muzzle, now everyone knows

Was lifted genetically from a firefly’s toes.

Madness had spread through the months of November,

December, October, then Cyber-September;

We did most of our shopping with keyboards and mice,

Eagerly tracking tiny drops in the price.

Web merchants locked onto us squarely and right

By pursuing us everywhere from site to site.

The NSA updated old Santa’s list twice,

Yet it already knew who was naughty and nice

We ordered in pajamas; we ordered in bed;

We ordered in kitchens while baking cornbread;

We ordered while standing; we ordered while prone;

We ordered when ruling at length on the throne.

Our orders rolled in to the Web gigamarts;

Our goodies leaped from our wish lists to carts.

Easy and frictionless; each click bought us more

Of online exclusives not found in the store.

Sixty-inch TVs, digital diapers and trains

With sensors and radar and voices and brains;

Smart crayons, smart toasters and gadgety glasses

With videos, cameras and memory caches.

Hamsterbots, hi-tech Barbies and hologram books

3-D printers, Wi-Fi washers, tot tablets and Nooks

Lego blocks that start walking when put on the floor;

All things, ’til we saw them, we didn’t see the need for.

That eve, at the North Pole, lay the parcels in piles,

In the cold Arctic warehouse on its hard icy tiles;

When elfbots standing by in the moon’s ghostly rays,

Saw the whirring armada of newfangled sleighs.

They loaded the gifts on the rails of the drones,

Then Jeff’s little helpers flew nano-cyclones,

To lead the fleet down to dispel winter’s misery

With one-night express shipping and midnight delivery.

More rapid than rockets, singing out like a choir,

They called to each drone by unique identifier:

“On Pixel! On Pop-Up! On Pick-up and Paste!

“On Java! On Tera! On Interfaced!

“On Kindle! On Prime! On Fire! On App!

“On Crawler! On Browser! On Byte and Bitmap!

“On Android! On Pico! On Digit! On Click!

“On Password! On Coupon! On Flash and BASIC!

And Jeff did exclaim as they flew out of sight,

“Happy Christmas 2.0, and to all a good night!”

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