A curse upon the miscreant dog owners who leave poop and poop bags all along the trails of Whatcom Falls Park:
May your swimming hole or kiddie pool bloom with algae and egg sacs;
May yellow jackets lurk in your mailbox;
May a flock of Canada geese inhabit your backyard and turn your lawn into a stinky green Slip 'n Slide the night before your family barbecue;
May some atoms of every glass of merlot leap out to rapidly penetrate your shirt;
May your inbox be riddled with spam;
May Sanitary Service Company Inc. regularly miss your pickup;
May spit bugs find your windshield irresistible;
May all manner of pupae and larvae stick to your tender garden leaves, and may the snails and slugs wipe their snot across your porch;
May the ashes of your fireplace leap from the grate and sink deeply into your Berber carpet;
May each batch of your cookies stick to your non-stick baking sheets, and random hairs and droppings invade a bite of every meal you eat;
May your leftovers multiply uncontrollably and putrefy your fridge;
May your face be punctuated by repulsive and oozing pimples - not forever, but just in that moment your dear one decides not to give you a kiss.
Nancy Pagh of Bellingham
Rant via Letters to the Editor
Rants and Raves appear Mondays in The Bellingham Herald. Email your rant or rave to letters@bellinghamherald.com. Comments will be edited for space and become the property of The Bellingham Herald.
