POSTED: Thursday, Feb. 25, 2010

Bellingham psychologist's advice book reflects her child-free life

If you wonder whether to have children, or question your decision to not have any, Bellingham psychologist Ellen Walker offers a new book she hopes will help.

Walker, 49, has written "I Don't Have Kids! The Guide to Great Childfree Living."

Walker has lived and worked in Bellingham since 1991. A native of Mississippi, she received a doctorate in clinical psychology from Seattle Pacific University.

She is donating part of the proceeds from her self-published book to Planned Parenthood.

Question: How did you come up with the idea for your book?

Answer: My story in the book is very personal, since I talk about my own child-free life. The idea began when I was in my mid-40s and questioning whether I might have made a mistake not having children.

Chris Portman, my husband of three years, has two grown children but does not want more. I realized that if I once had so much angst about not having children, even though I have a wonderful career and a fulfilling personal life, I thought other people must also have many questions.

I really want to have others relate to my experience, since it's universal. I've changed the names of people whose stories fill the book, to protect their privacy.

Q: What kinds of angst can people without children experience?

A: One thing so many child-free adults feel is, "Something must be wrong with me," since we're in the minority. I wanted to normalize that feeling. It's difficult not to have kids in our culture. We're often considered "misfits," especially women. The purpose of my book is to help people embrace their child-free lives, and to help them enjoy the fullest, richest lives they can.

Q: Your book also provides practical information.

A: Practical information can be important to consider. For example, it takes an average of 71/2 hours per day to raise two children to age 18, and more than $150,000 per child, not even counting college costs. I have tried to write a practical and personal book anyone can benefit from.

Q: Are you at all worried about the term "child-free?"

A: I agree that some people might be offended, but it seems like there's no better term available than "child-free," since the term "childless" does not have the same meaning.

Q: How did you come up with your categories of child-free people?

A: I discuss three categories: child-free by choice, who are people who have always known they did not want children; child-free by happenstance, which is the category I'm in, since I've always been so busy with my career; and child-free by health or circumstance.

Q: What are some of the common questions that child-free people hear?

A: "When are you two going to have kids?" and "Aren't you lonesome without children?" and "Why won't you make me a grandparent?" Having children is a very personal choice. It should not be an automatic response to social pressure in a child-oriented world.

HEAR THE AUTHOR

What: Ellen Walker will discuss her book, "I Don't Have Kids! The Guide to Great Childfree Living."

When: 7 p.m. March 4.

Where: Village Books, Fairhaven.

Online: idonthavekids.com.